Go Faster Go Faster

I am still doing the weigh myself every other day/hour thing. I want this part to go faster. I don't think a 7 pound weight loss in a month is good enough.

Wow.

Good enough. That's the cycle I keep repeating-- nothing is ever good enough. Or not enough. And I keep fighting that-- that I am not enough, and consequently, too much. That somehow I am lacking the willpower or stamina or strength to have 20 pound losses in the first couple months out from surgery. Since surgery I have lost about 30 pounds, but in that two weeks of liquid diet I lost 20, so it should be more, right. Because other people have this success.

A couple years ago, a book came out that said if you weren't dating in a serious relationship by 25, that you were not going to be married, et al. It tore through the I-bank I worked at, scaring admins and female bankers into relationships that they are now trying to extract themselves from. Just because some book said you have to be in a serious relationship by 25 to get married by 28 to have babies by 30, etc etc.

Anyhow, I am treating the information of -- the first 3 months you lose the most, you stop losing after a year, your likelihood of not being a statistic is 2%...... as if it is real and the same as the you muct be married book. It's just information and opnion. What's real is that my clothes are falling off, I am back in the dating game, I go out every night, and have the life that I love, with smaller clothes and better friends. By sheer will I will keep the weight off, because I will take care of myself this time and make choices I can be proud of myself about.

On the other hand, I know I don't have the broken bypass, but it should be more. Am I eating too much, or eating the wrong things? What should I be focused on? Should I exercise more? I want that feeling of whoosh, as it comes off, and my clothes are falling off.

It's just a head game. I know it's just a head game.

Okay, time to seek therapy. Get over the "you'll never be ____ enough". Add whatever adjective in there for the situation. Pretty, happy, good, patient, kind, charming, sexy powerful, smart, nice, blonde, skinny, curvy, conscience, conscientious, early. hip, cool, cute, etc etc etc.

Any advice on finding a therapist who deals with WLS patients? I am exhausted trying to explain what the surgery is, how it affects me-- I want someone that I don't have to explain my eating habits to. Who is going to take care of the internal un-reorganized me. An emotional organizational consultant, if you will.

On a whole other note-- went out last night with a bunch of old co-workers. I looked great. They looked great-- it was awesome to see them. One of them said "What am I having half of?" knowing that I can only eat a couple bites before full. This made me love her even more. Ya know-- I don't really miss drinking so much. I thought it would be worse-- but to be honest, I don't miss it.