The Little Engine That Could

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Something has shifted recently. I had my apartment cleaned thoroughly this weekend, and I feel like all my clutter is just falling away. Even life clutter. Old friends to say goodbye to, new friends to say hello to, re-adjusting, re-organizing, letting life happen without force or manipulation.

The cleaners were awesome. They got behind the fridge and the stove and did the windows, all the while I hung up clothes, and threw out old shoes, and turned my little bit of bedroom into a haven. A heaven, a heaven on earth.

It is such a nice respite to be in that space, between waking and dreaming, where everything is clean and beautiful. Remember the movie (or book) Where Dreams May Come-- after he dies and he creates his own heaven, he has the opportunity to create heaven however he wants it to look. That's how I feel like in my room, I get to create it however I want it to look.

I recently started up a new relationship. I am not quite sure where it is going, and that's the cool thing, we get to make it up as we go along. I have never been in a situation ever where I have complete open communication with another human being. To top is off, he is a good man, a gentleman while being a bit of a rough as well. Very respectful, and yet not so much. He says he's an enigma, I think that's just because he wants to be.

Anyhow, this new addition into my life had me start looking at places I never want to look at. And being a big girl, I decided to get grown up. Clean my house, pay my bills, and plan for the future. What is it that I want in the future? What is it that I want to possess in the future, as a having, that is created and fun.