The Little Engine That Could

Friday, February 09, 2007

Another Friday Night

I have offically become a non-smoker. Diane and friends came into town, and as promised, I didn't smoke in the apartment, and since it was all of 13 degrees outside (no, that's not celsius for you non-Americans) I was not bundling up every time I needed a fag. (Oh god I love saying that) Since my schedule and routine were being up-ended, I decided, quietly, to cease smoking. And so far, so good. Although I do want one.

M. commented that I will always be with a cigarette-- I'm just that person. I think it's about the persona, the bawdy, brash, outlandish fun girl-- red lips, big hair, high heels, laughing too hard at bad jokes, cigarette nearby. I see myself that way too, but I want to be the person I am on the inside-- quiet, gentle, thorough, and simpler. Yoga pants, tank top, flip flops, svelte, yet curvy body, lip gloss and wavy hair. Unpeeling of the layers as it is.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out. The desire to go to the gym has been stronger, and perhaps, just perhaps, I'll get out there tomorrow. I made a promise I would go for 1/2 hour three times a week, I can do that, so it's just about doing it.

And again, another Friday night. I don't feel so bad about being inside alone tonight, I have had the worst cold for the last three days and feel like recovery is near. The oddest thing-- I went to purchase Cold and Sinus pills (because my head feels like it wants to explode and I have fantasties about pulling out my back teeth to drain the pressure from my head)-- and I had to sign a piece of paper, show them my driver's license and only purchase one packet of ten tablets. And I can't purchase any more in 30 days. What happens if I need more than 10? Will I have to get someone else to purchase it for me? I understand the whole meth epidemic, considering I have relatives that have or are currently using, and the need to limit the access to the drug, however, I have bad sinuses, and god help the poor Indian pharmacist that doesn't let me purchase another 10 tablets when I need them. I'll snot all over his cash register.

Back to Friday night. I am not going on the online dating website tonight. That's just too desparate. I am instead going to curl up with "When Food is Love" and cry myself into a nice restful sleep.