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I got home Tuesday night from my folks. And I feel good. I love sleeping in my bed, except that I can't sleep like I like to-- I am a side/stomach sleeper, and that just feels weird right now.

When my mom was in for her surgery back in January, I got her a froggie that is big that she could hang onto if the pain got so bad. Last night, with inherited froggie-- I just cried. Cried that my mom didn't have her folks with her to go through the surgery with her.... that she might have been scared too, but she'd never let it show.... that she didn't have anyone to guide her and love her.... and froggie let me know he hugged her as tight as he was hugging me. (well, not really, but kind of).

Sometimes mom can be an unthinking asshole about the details, but in the overall, she just wants to make it okay for me to live my life and have success. I cried about that too. Cried that I will miss her when she's not there anymore, and hope that someday when I have babies she can hold them and love them and sing to them and love them. And they will love her.

Okay, enough crying.

Yesterday I cooked. And cooked. And it felt great. I wanted to do something nice for my friend who is opening a show later in the week and has no time to even think, much less cook for herself-- I had time and the interest so I made a chicken enchilada casserole. Actually it was just hamburger helper with other stuff thrown in, but all that other stuff made my tummy go sour on the thought of it-- salsa, corn, chicken, etc. If felt so good to cook and not be tempted or obsessed, just interested. Maybe now I am allowed to love food, and really be a foodie.... when I lose these 200+ pounds.

Can you imagine-- she gets surgery and then becomes a foodie..... how funny would that be.
Although I don't think I can be a foodie with hamburger helper in my kitchen.

Okay, off to the DR.'s for the checkup and appt making, then home for nap time, then movie watching, intermingled with scrambled egg and cheese. But just a little.