72.5

Since August 2nd I have lost 72.5 pounds.

The words don't mean anything to me. I keep thinking It should have been more, I am still not under 300, wow, I have such a long way to go.

In three months, 72.5.

M yelled at me. I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm not trying to be ungracious or snotty or snobby. I am not trying to have some sort of victory pity party. Because I am not. I am trying to understand what this means. That although I am still over 300, I am a size 20/22. That I am getting rid of clothes left and right. That I am way more active than I ever thought possible.

I don't fit comfortably in my desk chair anymore. It feels weird. Same with work. The comfort that used to be there is gone and now it's just a chair. The arms have somehow moved further away from my body. Magical transforming desk chair.

I have a couple goals I want to accomplish. The big one is to come back from Tokyo under 300. It's totally do-able. Another is to work out while in Tokyo, and do some walking. Maybe, possibly even do some swimming. I have goals for further down the road, but those aren't for sharing yet.

72.5. I am going to appreciate what I have accomplished.

My "goal weight" according to the doctor is 146.5. I was rounding the corner on 4th grade the last time I saw that number. Holy crap. I'm not sure I can get to that number. Or even want to. I use the term "goal weight" losely, because I don't think that's my goal at all. I would reconsider at 160 maybe. 180 would be a good start.

Wow. It's been only 4 months. And my body is changing in great ways. I sometimes forget and want to eat a cheeseburger, and I can't. I sometimes forget and want to get a cookie, but I can't. Not like "oh that's bad for me" but the physical "Can't".

When I was in Mexico I smoked. Now, the idea of smoking completely turns me off. but I have moments of I want to. However, "can't" shows up, and I can't think of buying a pack, or asking someone for a loosie. Just can't. It's foreign to me to even look at the cigarette display behind the counter, as well as the candy display at the counter, the fast food place or the bakery.

I threw out a half of a pumpkin pie and a cheesecake. And leftovers (except I am TOTALLY eating mom's meatloaf before I go), including bagels, hummus, stuffing, green bean casserole, mash potatoes, 7 layer salad and turkey. I do not know this person who just throws away food when she is done with it. There is a bit of guilt attached to doing it, but once it's in the trash, no more guilt. I don't need or want it anyways.

All this to say, 72.5, and going. And moving and grooving. Apparently this does work.