Is it Normal?

Is it normal to want to back out of every stinking therapy appointment? I know that working with someone to deal with the emotional issues that come up from losing weight, or overeating, or anger or letting myself not be numb is a good thing, and ultimately will be helpful in having me be the best person out there, but let me tell you, right now-- I want to do everything but that.

I started to fill put forms, mostly questionnaires on what I feel when I feel, and I kept getting stuck. Because I have felt bad in the past, but don't right now. And am doing that thing where I don't want to look at the past right now, because I am still who I have always been (although getting sleeker every day) but I am still that woman that doused her troubles away with fried ranch covered goblets of goodness. And still walks into Wendy's hoping that she can do it again. But this woman then walks right out the door. Not running screaming, mind you, but at least out the door.

But these forms. They go on forever. And ever. And wow, I so don't ever want to have the level of detail of this emotional inventory. Ever. Or at least can we start with the happy stuff? C'mon already.

I am still deciding if I can just bail on the appointment. The victory would be to go and just say what's there for me. At $200 a pop. What a fucking scam. Although the lady is nice, and I did get to work through some interesting stuff last time.

Okay okay, I'll go. I would rather go back to bed and not go into work today, and see the doctor about the sore throat, but instead, I'll go to therapy.

Sheesh. Fine. Be that way.