The Little Engine That Could

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Letter to My Body

Dear Body,

Soon, very soon, you will be meeting someone who is going to change us for the better. He is a skilled and accomplished surgeon who's job it is to help people like us to have the right tools and the right start to lose pounds. Now, before you get upset, I want you to listen. We've been through this before, I try on jeans, you want to eat ice cream, so I appease you and get yoga pants. I want to wear high heels, you are happy in flip flops because our feet hurt, so I appease you. But the other day, when you wouldn't let me bend over to tie my shoes, well that was just too far. You have taken this completely out of control.

I tried to be nice. I tried to look the other way. I have let you lead me with every whim, every fancy. You want cookies at 4am, you have cookies. You want a milkshake, you get a milkshake. You would rather sit, we sit. You want a hamburger, a hamburger it is. You want to nap instead of going out, we nap. But now, it's time for me.

I want to wear pretty clothes. I want to wear high heels. I want to look at us in the mirror and think WOW we can totally do this-- I want to feel gorgeous. I want to run and have our heart beat as fast as it can. Those muscles that have been hidden for so long-- well, we are dusting them off and bringing them out for show. I promise, this is going to feel so good-- we are cleaning house.

Yeah, that's it, we are cleaning house, getting rid of all that stuff we don't need anymore. We don't need the layer of protection, because we've outgrown it. We don't need the layer of sorrow because we have completed and grieved and moved past it. We don't need the layer of safety because we can handle any kind of attention that comes our way. We could use a strong back and core to build a new foundation. We will build powerful legs to keep us grounded when we need to be, and keep us moving to new adventures as they call to us. We can develop strong arms for new loves to hold onto, for friends and family to be enveloped by. We can allow our body to be hard, and our heart to be soft, so that every soft hug comes from inside, not from outside.

So body, here's what has to happen. We are going on a plan for two weeks to loose some fat around our liver. This is going to be tough for both you and me and I am going to need your help. When we are on the road, I want you to pay extra special attention to all the things that bug you about travelling-- out of breath, sweating, going through security, taking off shoes, putting them back on, getting an extender, not being able to put the tray table down-- etc. I mean everything. Look at all the little things that are annoying. And then on the way back, we'll see if any of them have changed. While we are away, I will need you to tell me when you are hungry. Not bored. Not deprived. Not interested in eating because you can... but actual no joke hungry. And when that happens, I'll give you some nourishment. It won't be much, but it will be something. Because I have to start using nourishment as fuel, not a reward, not as a pastime, but as fuel. This will be difficult at first, but then, you'll see that we will run better in sync. You will be hungry, and I will feed you. Thirsty, you'll drink. We will together work out-- first walking and stretching, then running. Body, it is going to be a whole new life.

Soon, very soon, we are going to play again. We will jump and feel freedom-- and every step won't feel like the earth is trying to pull us down. We will be light-- our breathing will be light, and wait until we get Mind involved with us-- omigosh-- it will be like we are 5 years old again.

So body-- you get whims until the end of next week. Then after that, we will work together to do what's best for this house cleaning of sorts. Because I love you body-- you have been very very good to me-- indulgent, but good. And I want you around for a long while. So let's work on this together, okay?

Now, it's time we put ourselves to bed. I know, you want to check out myspace, but it's late and we need our beauty sleep.

Goodnight. I love you, Body.

7 comments:

Dagny said...

Did you know about how the days leading up to my surgery I was on the FAREWELL TO FOOD GRAND TOUR of Everything to Eat in the Universe?

Yes.

Dagny

Danyele said...

Yep - me too. And the funny thing is.. there's one thing that I forgot to include and it still pisses me off. Shoulda had ice cream. ((sigh)) oh well..

Had to stop in to say Hello! and welcome to the Webring.. we're so happy to have you here!

Shel said...

Ditto with the whole welcome thingie.

This was a beautiful post, btw. I'm almost to my 9 mo. anniversary and my body still fights me for control sometimes. Just be patient with her and remember that she will be going through a grieving process. Nobody learns overnight and it takes some of us longer than others.

Good luck, hun! xoxo

Puppie said...

Wow, what an amazing post. Thanks.

Angel said...

Kim, this was so very moving as well (I read "Maddie" first). With your permission, may I print this out as inspiration for my weight loss journey?

I've added you to my new blog, Slayer in Training. Though our paths to new bodies is different (I am using exercise and diet modification), so much of what you write really speaks to me.

My best to you as your journey continues! :)

Amanda said...

Before I started my diet, I went nuts. Doritos? Check. Full-fat cheddar? Check. Desserts? Check. Lunch buffet at Pizza Hut the day my diet "food" arrived? Oh my goodness, CHECK.

Those quotes around "food" are used correctly. The particular plan I was on had some dishes that tasted disturbingly like fish food. Bleah.

Best of wishes to you in your journey. I'll be thinking about you!

Change for Good said...

I loved this letter!

Congratulations on your success!

:)
Tiffany