Train Wreck

Big Girl, how do you meet men in your Big City?

Well, online of course!

I hate online dating. I like social networking because it gives me a clearer idea of who people are at work, I have one place where I can keep up with college friends and family members around the world. Or two, or three.

I online met a man. Funny funny funny. The feminist in me wanted to disagree with most of his profile, but as you know readers, this Big Girl likes a challenge. She doesn't like people, especially men, getting away with anything. Especially snarky comments about womanly things. He engaged me, I said no. Said I wasn't interested in talking to or being friends with the Train Wreck.

Fast forward three days later. I've spent far too much time emailing and chatting with this Mr. Train Wreck. And being on the roller coaster of "it's something new, it's good" and "he's full of shit and you are wasting your time". He is full of shit, and we don't want the same thing. My intuition tells me as much, well, and that he said he wasn't looking for a relationship "and if something developed..." which to me means "hook up, and then maybe we'll see". I don't want to play that game-- of maybe someday. That's my whole friggen life.

I know I am wasting my time. I want a relationship that inspires me. A partner in crime. A man that will push all the right buttons and some of the wrong ones, and together we are better than our fabulous single selves.

So here's what there is to say. I am worth the type of relationship I want. I can settle for nothing less. It's not a match to go to a school for engineering when you want to be an artist. It's not a match to physically take care of myself, but emotionally be starved.

No more, Mr. Train Wreck. No more. And I'm not sorry. I've wasted hours on you. You lucky bastard. Most people don't get moments of my time.

Ahh, I feel better. In other news, I jogged for 12 mins yesterday at the gym. Had to do some head clearing. And then on the bike. And I look at myself this morning and have a little bit of a collarbone. And feel good. Satisfied. And Strong.