The Random Things People Say

I am having a great day. Now that Mercury, my ruling planet of communication, is in retrograde, people are saying the weirdest things to me. It's like being on "Laugh-in" all day every day.

Every day for about a year I would get coffee at this little cart near work. I liked it because the guys would see me walk up from the subway, I would have my $1.50 ready, and no matter how long the line was, I got coffee first. They also have a sign that says "Smile if you are not wearing any underwear", which I totally don't get but I would smile anyways because that's what I do.

After surgery, no more coffee. In the last couple weeks, I might do one cup every two days-- so I go up to my guy.

"Large French Vanilla creamer with two sugars"

Oh, no- I just want a small with skim.

"Alright honey, that's a good change. You'll be so pretty with this change. Men will flock to you."

Yeah, thanks. Umm. How much?

"You should go to the gym. Bally's. They do a body good."

Dear readers, also picture this with a thick Pakistani accent. Aside from the fact HE'S TELLING ME TO GO TO THE GYM. A complete stranger is giving me advice because I have changed my coffee order. WTF?

The guy behind me laughed in line. I didn't care.

"Honey you look good. Here's your coffee."

Great thanks. Have a good day.

"Go to the gym."

I hate you. I hate everyone that tells me the most obvious thing ever. My god-- work it out. But instead of losing my cool, I just laugh. Look at it another way. This guy cares enough to say whatever is there for him to say. And not spit in my coffee. And be interested enough to know what my coffee order is, over the thousands of people he serves a day.

I'm special. I'm that fucking special.