I can only say this.....because I need you too.

This seems like the best forum to do this. I have a varying group of friends that for whatever reason are stuck in different areas-- work, career, job, relationship, love, housing, life, etc.... and I want to say something to each of them, but collectively. And when they come to this place to read it, it will be like a little note just for each of them, something that they would normally find on their windshield, under their doorstep, on their desk chair, or in a discarded Christmas card.

Here goes.

Hi. I know it's really scary right now. Things are dark, and you really don't want to look at them, don't want to shine any light on the situation, because knowing how big the problem is right now is scarier than anything you have or haven't done about the problem. But consider this, it's not really a problem. It's just your life. You choose every day how to live it.

My darkest day was realizing that I might die from obesity. That because the way I've been going, I might get sick, have a heart attack on my couch and no one would be able to help me. That no matter what I would never be something different than what I have always been. And you know me, I would lose a couple pounds, and then put it back on with a vengeance, become comfortable yet again with the old habits. But those old habits destroyed me, my hope, my adventure, my spirit and were very close to destroying my life. I may have had 20 years left to live a life of great phone conversations, internet surfing and solitude, hoping that something might show up on my door.

Here's what I have to say to you. I love you. I really do. I want you to be happy. Stop looking for happiness as if it exists outside yourself. Get real with your situation, shine some light on those dark corners of whatever problem or anxiety you may be facing. I will be right there holding your hand, not judging but loving you. I remember letting myself feel scared and sad and alone, and then I took myself into action about it. Let yourself feel the emotion, the pain. I promise you, you will not shatter, you will not break. You will not step over into crazy to never appear again. You will be strong, you might be overwhelmed, but you will have the ability to tackle whatever it is you need or want to tackle.

I promise to keep having conversations with you that make you mad, that have you want to run away, that get you upset. I am not judging you. I just can no longer be the Kim that soothes everything with food. I can no longer get ice cream or treats or late night sammiches, or cocktails over problems. I've changed, and I can't be numb anymore. I want you to have the life you want, and whatever that is, I am standing for your ability to have it. In doing so, those difficult conversations are going to come up and it's going to suck sometimes, and truly, you will probably not like me because I will keep mentioning it over and over. Because if it's weighing on your mind, why not tell me, your friend, your sister, your confidant about it? You do not have to go through all of this alone.

Repeat.

You do not have to go through this all alone.

Now repeat it until you understand and feel it.

Now I love you. Now I love you and forever I love you. Tied together like three-legged racers, lean on me, let's find a cadence and speed we can work together on, and I will lean back. Because I need you too.