Christmas is for giving. Forgiving.

I'm sitting here listening to Christmas music on one of the local stations that play Holiday music from Turkey day till that baby is born. And I just had the coolest flashback.....

Two years ago I was head over heels in love with this guy. And planning to move to, of all places, Buffalo. Thank god for small small favors, I didn't and have my perfect job, a really great life, but that's not this post.

This post is about opening eyes to something new.

At the end of December in 2005, I took this guy to his first concert. It was an interesting thing to be an adult, over thirty, and taking someone to their first concert. Because all that kid stuff comes back-- the excitement, the anxiety, the noise, the fanfare. So it wasn't the coolest concert-- we are not talking Guns and Roses or Motley Crue, or even RadioHead or the Dixie Chicks, or Garth (ahh, Garth-- I love you). It was the Trans Siberian Orchestra. And it was just after Christmas, and it was perfect.

We had floor seats, we were dressed appropriately. The lights dimmed, and he started to move in his seat, wiggling back and forth to see the stage better. The first riff of the guitar, and his eyes lit up. "This is the coolest".
At some point, there was snow over most of the audience on the floor. Like a kid he stuck out his tounge. "Soap".
Then the lasers started. "This is so amazing. Thank you."

The music was good. It was Christmas music, with that guitar and rock opera feel to it. It was awesome to see couples of all ages enjoying a concert in that huge stadium. We held hands, we smooched, and we were transformed into a little coccoon of wow together. Like two little kids discovering Santa. I knew at that moment that we would be forever linked. And we are.

I miss you but not in the way I should. I miss seeing the soft underbelly of your vulnerability, of me showing you my vulnerable side, me being able to put a smile on your face without taking my clothes off. I miss those first wow moments, and wouldn't ever give those up, regardless of the other wow moments that lead to the disinigration of us. Every time I hear that Christmas guitar riff, no matter how cheesy I think it to be, my heart warms up a little bit. Because I know you are still a little kid inside all that other stuff. Wherever you are.

Merry Christmas. Thank you for opening my eyes to something new and completely unexpected. For-giving. Forgiving. Forgivness. Which turns around to joy for the holidays.