What to say?

Taking classes is awesome and hard.

That sounds so dumb, but here goes.....

I am in a class, a year long class. It's based around the cycles of life (read: slightly wiccan) and this month we are in contact with the destroyer. The destroyer being an image we hold in ourselves, and that we do things to destroy ourselves. In circle on our big Saturday we wrote down how we destroy ourselves. Mine are apparent, but going around the room and having other women have the same things that I use to hurt myself was interesting. A bit of "Oh honey, you shouldn't feel that." Crap.

Feel anyway you need to feel.

So, destroyer comes out, and if we don't let her out how she wants, then she takes away from us what she needs.

I go on date number two (which shouldn't have happened at all) with the Elvis Republican. #1: He calls as I am getting there (Sunday brunch date) saying he just got up. Now I want ham and eggs, and I want it in the next hour, but I wait for him. #2: Should have cancelled and said thanks but no thanks right then, but....Read the NY Times, have various non-hip hipsters look at me as I drink my coffee. After I order, he shows up and all I do is say HI.

Elvis Republican: Don't be mad at me.
ME: You are an hour and a half late.
ER: You could have cancelled.
ME: Stop being like eyeore.
ER: How's that?
ME: I am not going to feel sorry for you, I am over it. I ordered you ham and eggs.

As we eat, and drink coffee, talk about various topics (work, family, etc) he begins to spout politics, again. I am so bored bored bored, and am thinking-- that is a face I never want to kiss. Ever.

After a twenty minute tirade, I shut him up.

ME: No more politics. We land on the opposite side of the fence.
ER: But isn't that good?
ME: Not if you ever want to have sex with me.
ER: Oh.
ME: And by the way, who shows up in a Mets jersey for a date? I don't care if it is Sunday, take a goddamned shower, and brush your teeth, You smell like you are rotting from the inside out. Your crew cut is stupid, and you are right, I was reaching to the bottom of the barrel when I agreed to go out with you. Now tip our waiter 10 bucks, because I have taken up his table for too long, and the subway is that way.

Okay, I really didn't say that. The destroyer wanted to say that. What I said was...

ME: no more politics. You are just trying to push my buttons.
ER: In more ways than one.
ME: Eww, gross, no.
ER: What?
ME: I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. I have to go. Thanks for breakfast.
ER: Wait, umm, you wanna go see a movie?
ME: No.
ER: Umm, so that's it? You use me for ham and eggs?
ME: Yeah.

I felt gross, put on my jacket and gave the waiter a ten and thanked him, walked to my car and came home.

That jerk had me waste good makeup.

Where does the class and this date fit it-- well, she wanted to stomp all over him, scream "YOU'RE WRONG, STUPID AND DUMB.". I never understand the political conversations that go "I am right, you are stupid". I respect various opinions, I respect different lifestyles. Hey, if you are into role playing, all the more interesting, if you think horses are aliens, right on, if you go to Church every Sunday, good for you, if you think Bush is a good thing, fine. Just don't come from "I'm right, you are stupid" or "my way is the only way." I might be misinformed, I might not have a stance on issues, but I am interested an fascinated by life, all forms.

The dialogue is more important than the stance.

Oh to find someone to have a conversation with. Who might be a little dark, who might be a little off beat. Who opens my mind, and leads me to water, not forcing me to drink.