Today James and I drive to NC to visit family and see my youngest niece (as of now) have her first communion. Ahh, how exciting!
I am packed, I need to shower, but lists are made and there are trains to catch to see my honey and stock up on some road food. We try to do it on the cheap, and on the healthy. Over the summer we went to Canada and did sammiches and chips, this time it will be a little different.
My list?
Ham, swiss (his choice, not mine), mini cheeses, rye, peanut butter, apples, grapes, celery, pretzel rods (again, his choice, not mine) yogurt and a couple sodas. Perhaps I might get some chips, but most likely will stick with fruits and veggies as crunchy foods.
I am also taking some WW mini bars. Those things are freaking awesome.
I love road trips. I made a playlist for our time, he has XM so we will be just fine with grooving in the car. Both of us love to sing with the radio anyhow, and I think we have some great driving tunes to get us by.
I'm excited to see the family. Nervous, because something always comes up, someone's feelings gets hurt, and there is never enough time. One thing I realized yesterday is that I am a missing in my neices and nephew's lives. I have no idea what they are into, what bands they like, what their favroite superhero is. These are important things to know. This weekend I made a promise to myself to get to the bottom of these questions.
Wish me luck. On the road, with the family, and staying on track. It's a bright sunshiney day, and I am just loving life.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Updates and a Promise
Hey there everyone....
Well, Spring seems to have hit. This past weekend was chock full of spring cleaning-- the great wardrobe clear out, a little cash and a cute new dress purchased. I've gone through books and boxes and bags of things, things that I stuff away when guests come over. I have cleared out the carb monster from the cabinets, every now and again I'll have a cookie/ donut/ crackers-- but overall, feeling very clean and fresh.
I spent the better part of April temping at a hotel in the city. A very nice hotel. Where I worked as a Sales Coordinator in the basement. So all day I saw nothing but beige walls and the cafeteria. It was nice to have free food, but it's hotel food, so not great. I was happy when the temp job ended, the money was nice, but I wasn't making much more than on unemployment. And I wasn't able to job search or get emails or texts, because of security and well, being in the basement sucks. I did learn that hotels don't pay anything and think $950 for a standard room is reasonable. Really? Yes.
Yesterday I spent the day outside, basking in the sun, running errands. I just have to be outside when it's sunny and not humid-- it makes such a difference in my outlook. And considering my Vitamin D levels were a little bit low, it doesn't hurt to get a little sun. I found a great place to have my shoes fixed, and now have almost brand new boots and sandals for less than the cost of replacing them. Nice.
Sunday was glorious. James and I went to the park for a picnic and laid a blanket on the ground, ate grapes and meat and cheese and crackers, then he took a nap and I read. And we just got to be with each other without being on the couch (house poor) or going out (lack of money prevents this). For about $10, we ate and drank and loved each other and got some fresh air. We could have done it even cheaper, but it was a last minute thought, and it was a wonderful way to spend our 11-month anniversary.
Yes, I am still counting the months. We are almost upon a year of our first meeting, and I still can't believe it's true. I just love him so much, and I know he loves me. I am so lucky, he has no problem expressing his emotions, and he's such a mush, we get misty together. He cries, I cry, and we love each other. Life is grand. He is moving in slowly but surely, by the middle of May, he'll be here full time. Wow.
I am decidedly less of a big girl than before. It's been about a year since I have lost anything significant. I am on WW to keep a journal. I figured now that I have about 60-80 pounds to lose, I can do it like everyone else, diet, exercise, and use my pouch as a tool. I no longer have to beat myself up. I go to the meetings, I weigh in, and I listen. I am looking forward to getting to the 10% goal, and hopefully that will be before my birthday. I've gone back to the gym, I've got a plan, and I have some balance.
As for the job search, I go in fits and starts. My expectations have lowered, but I am looking. I don't have a lot of pride when it comes to work, I am looking to be at a great place, where I can make a difference, I make an impact, am valued, can influence others and makes a decent salary. I don't need to be rich, I'd like for both James and myself to be out of debt, and then save for a place of our own.
I think about the future and I see promise. I see lots of promise. So my promise to you is that I will write at least once a week. I have the time, I just avoid it because I feel like this blog was about uncovering myself during weightloss, and then when I stopped losing, there was a failure. But that is not true. I am still uncovering myself, in a beautiful and gentle way. Like I said, there is more balance in my life now than ever. I feel great about that.
So ladies, what's going on with you?
Much love--
Kim
Well, Spring seems to have hit. This past weekend was chock full of spring cleaning-- the great wardrobe clear out, a little cash and a cute new dress purchased. I've gone through books and boxes and bags of things, things that I stuff away when guests come over. I have cleared out the carb monster from the cabinets, every now and again I'll have a cookie/ donut/ crackers-- but overall, feeling very clean and fresh.
I spent the better part of April temping at a hotel in the city. A very nice hotel. Where I worked as a Sales Coordinator in the basement. So all day I saw nothing but beige walls and the cafeteria. It was nice to have free food, but it's hotel food, so not great. I was happy when the temp job ended, the money was nice, but I wasn't making much more than on unemployment. And I wasn't able to job search or get emails or texts, because of security and well, being in the basement sucks. I did learn that hotels don't pay anything and think $950 for a standard room is reasonable. Really? Yes.
Yesterday I spent the day outside, basking in the sun, running errands. I just have to be outside when it's sunny and not humid-- it makes such a difference in my outlook. And considering my Vitamin D levels were a little bit low, it doesn't hurt to get a little sun. I found a great place to have my shoes fixed, and now have almost brand new boots and sandals for less than the cost of replacing them. Nice.
Sunday was glorious. James and I went to the park for a picnic and laid a blanket on the ground, ate grapes and meat and cheese and crackers, then he took a nap and I read. And we just got to be with each other without being on the couch (house poor) or going out (lack of money prevents this). For about $10, we ate and drank and loved each other and got some fresh air. We could have done it even cheaper, but it was a last minute thought, and it was a wonderful way to spend our 11-month anniversary.
Yes, I am still counting the months. We are almost upon a year of our first meeting, and I still can't believe it's true. I just love him so much, and I know he loves me. I am so lucky, he has no problem expressing his emotions, and he's such a mush, we get misty together. He cries, I cry, and we love each other. Life is grand. He is moving in slowly but surely, by the middle of May, he'll be here full time. Wow.
I am decidedly less of a big girl than before. It's been about a year since I have lost anything significant. I am on WW to keep a journal. I figured now that I have about 60-80 pounds to lose, I can do it like everyone else, diet, exercise, and use my pouch as a tool. I no longer have to beat myself up. I go to the meetings, I weigh in, and I listen. I am looking forward to getting to the 10% goal, and hopefully that will be before my birthday. I've gone back to the gym, I've got a plan, and I have some balance.
As for the job search, I go in fits and starts. My expectations have lowered, but I am looking. I don't have a lot of pride when it comes to work, I am looking to be at a great place, where I can make a difference, I make an impact, am valued, can influence others and makes a decent salary. I don't need to be rich, I'd like for both James and myself to be out of debt, and then save for a place of our own.
I think about the future and I see promise. I see lots of promise. So my promise to you is that I will write at least once a week. I have the time, I just avoid it because I feel like this blog was about uncovering myself during weightloss, and then when I stopped losing, there was a failure. But that is not true. I am still uncovering myself, in a beautiful and gentle way. Like I said, there is more balance in my life now than ever. I feel great about that.
So ladies, what's going on with you?
Much love--
Kim
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
A lot of Time on my hands
Since I have begun the great job search of 2009, I have a lot of time on my hands. This marks the second morning in a row where I have woken up on the couch with all the lights on. I know I am not taking care of myself-- late night eating, drinking wine, smoking, doing all the things I know better than to do.
I still don't feel depressed that I lost my job. A little sad, upset that I don't have a schedule to adhere to. What I think I hate the most is the vast ocean of time that I have to fill in. Everything feels like an emergency, if there is a job that looks interesting, I get sweaty and start thinking about going back to work in a made up environment with bitchy new boss, and that gets me down. I think the last few weeks of working at that place was a bit of a blow to my ego.
Prior to December, I had a great boss who was understanding, sometimes too much, and I worked hard. I did all my work, and did it well. When the new one came on board, not so much. My time was managed for me, I was no longer doing the same things I had been doing before. And to top it off, I was burned out. I traveled a ton, I worked my little heart out, I didn't take sick days when I was sick, I just worked from home, usually late into the night.
Awww. That's over now.
So I have a lot of time on my hands. And am filling the days.
Today I have chosen to de-tox from the carb monster. And to let go of this old stuff that surrounds me. I have a resume to get into tip-top shape, and after that have a gym appointment, and then have some massive house clearing to do. I want to attack the bathroom first, without going into to much of it, when I clear my bathroom of filth, my world seems better. I can handle things, i don't hold on too much.
I now have the time to track food on fitday. And finish some projects. My days need to be broken up so that I actually go outside for a good portion-- either running errands or just getting out of the house. The stale winter heated air is no good to be in for too long.
I'm doing fine, but on the verge of slipping into a funk. I am pre-empting that with activity. Deadlines. Re-done resume by 1, gym by 2, bathroom cleaned by 4. Music playing no TV. No couch sitting. And drinking my 70 oz of water a day.......
And how are you? I want to thank everyone who gives me support and loves me. Thank you. You make this part go so much easier because I feel like I have a support system.
I still don't feel depressed that I lost my job. A little sad, upset that I don't have a schedule to adhere to. What I think I hate the most is the vast ocean of time that I have to fill in. Everything feels like an emergency, if there is a job that looks interesting, I get sweaty and start thinking about going back to work in a made up environment with bitchy new boss, and that gets me down. I think the last few weeks of working at that place was a bit of a blow to my ego.
Prior to December, I had a great boss who was understanding, sometimes too much, and I worked hard. I did all my work, and did it well. When the new one came on board, not so much. My time was managed for me, I was no longer doing the same things I had been doing before. And to top it off, I was burned out. I traveled a ton, I worked my little heart out, I didn't take sick days when I was sick, I just worked from home, usually late into the night.
Awww. That's over now.
So I have a lot of time on my hands. And am filling the days.
Today I have chosen to de-tox from the carb monster. And to let go of this old stuff that surrounds me. I have a resume to get into tip-top shape, and after that have a gym appointment, and then have some massive house clearing to do. I want to attack the bathroom first, without going into to much of it, when I clear my bathroom of filth, my world seems better. I can handle things, i don't hold on too much.
I now have the time to track food on fitday. And finish some projects. My days need to be broken up so that I actually go outside for a good portion-- either running errands or just getting out of the house. The stale winter heated air is no good to be in for too long.
I'm doing fine, but on the verge of slipping into a funk. I am pre-empting that with activity. Deadlines. Re-done resume by 1, gym by 2, bathroom cleaned by 4. Music playing no TV. No couch sitting. And drinking my 70 oz of water a day.......
And how are you? I want to thank everyone who gives me support and loves me. Thank you. You make this part go so much easier because I feel like I have a support system.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Keep on moving
I am hanging in. Smoking on and off. Wanting to quit, not wanting to quit.
It's Valentine's this weekend. I have for the first time ever, a Valentine.
(this is the part when I get the phone call and he breaks up with me)....... nope. The phone is not ringing. He is with me for good.
See, my world doesn't always have to completely fall apart.
Going on interviews, re-doing resumes. Breathing in and out. Applied for unemployment, will start getting that next week. And life goes on.
To the gym in the AM and then dog walking in the afternoon. And then a weekend with Mister.
I'm hanging in. Eating about 1800 cals a day. Not working out as much, but small steps.
It's Valentine's this weekend. I have for the first time ever, a Valentine.
(this is the part when I get the phone call and he breaks up with me)....... nope. The phone is not ringing. He is with me for good.
See, my world doesn't always have to completely fall apart.
Going on interviews, re-doing resumes. Breathing in and out. Applied for unemployment, will start getting that next week. And life goes on.
To the gym in the AM and then dog walking in the afternoon. And then a weekend with Mister.
I'm hanging in. Eating about 1800 cals a day. Not working out as much, but small steps.
Friday, February 06, 2009
What Did I Do?
Some folks who only know me from blog-space are inquiring, what did I do..... before the job was lost. So here goes.
I, in effect, ran a global training program for an Business Intelligence company that was not the CIA. If it were the CIA, I would still be employed. In fact it wasn't government related at all. I coordinated and managed training events-- from conception (we need a conference in Latin America) to wrap up (And here's three cheers from sunny Mexico City). I worked with experts in the field of investigations and intelligence internally, to get their experience translated to some sort of training-- either with interactive case studies for junior folks, or sales training for consultants for senior folks. I put butts in airplanes, butts in hotels rooms, butts in training rooms. I managed vendors and contracts, hosted cocktail parties, networked at meet and greets, remembered most everyone's name, managed a couple of international teams of admins to help the show run smoothly. I am, by all means, the most connected person at my former company. And everyone who worked with me knows that.
I worked with former CIA, FBI, international journalists, KGB, Secret Service, MI5/6, department of justice attorneys, DA's, think-tank-ers, French Intelligence, Spanish Intelligence, NGO, DEA (I know the guy who brought down Escobar), British Intel, Accountants, Japanese Royal Guards, corporate lawyers, military, investigators, consultants, gum-shoes, etc etc. At any given event, I was surrounded by people who during the cold war or coup were on opposite sides, and now because of my event, were drinking/dancing/laughing/learning together. I know some of the folks I worked with had extraordinary careers and lives prior to the company, and now their knowledge was being transferred to useful applications by me.
In essence, I got to host events, create training, and develop relationships with an extraordinary lot of folks who I will miss tremendously. I have had calls from around the world-- Japan, China, UK, Mexico, Brazil, Colombia, Argentina, etc, etc. I am missed.
I went to lunch with the Big City junior folks today. And I got to say goodbye in my usual fashion. With a drink in one hand, a smile on my face, and I'll see you again soon. I know I will.
And that is what I did. Makes me think I should write about the experiences I had.
Hmmm.
I, in effect, ran a global training program for an Business Intelligence company that was not the CIA. If it were the CIA, I would still be employed. In fact it wasn't government related at all. I coordinated and managed training events-- from conception (we need a conference in Latin America) to wrap up (And here's three cheers from sunny Mexico City). I worked with experts in the field of investigations and intelligence internally, to get their experience translated to some sort of training-- either with interactive case studies for junior folks, or sales training for consultants for senior folks. I put butts in airplanes, butts in hotels rooms, butts in training rooms. I managed vendors and contracts, hosted cocktail parties, networked at meet and greets, remembered most everyone's name, managed a couple of international teams of admins to help the show run smoothly. I am, by all means, the most connected person at my former company. And everyone who worked with me knows that.
I worked with former CIA, FBI, international journalists, KGB, Secret Service, MI5/6, department of justice attorneys, DA's, think-tank-ers, French Intelligence, Spanish Intelligence, NGO, DEA (I know the guy who brought down Escobar), British Intel, Accountants, Japanese Royal Guards, corporate lawyers, military, investigators, consultants, gum-shoes, etc etc. At any given event, I was surrounded by people who during the cold war or coup were on opposite sides, and now because of my event, were drinking/dancing/laughing/learning together. I know some of the folks I worked with had extraordinary careers and lives prior to the company, and now their knowledge was being transferred to useful applications by me.
In essence, I got to host events, create training, and develop relationships with an extraordinary lot of folks who I will miss tremendously. I have had calls from around the world-- Japan, China, UK, Mexico, Brazil, Colombia, Argentina, etc, etc. I am missed.
I went to lunch with the Big City junior folks today. And I got to say goodbye in my usual fashion. With a drink in one hand, a smile on my face, and I'll see you again soon. I know I will.
And that is what I did. Makes me think I should write about the experiences I had.
Hmmm.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
This week
This week has been both good and terrible. On Monday I rested up from Superbowl with a massive headache (I didn't drink at all) and watched movies. Just had a day off. Then Tuesday I got the news....
"As you know, the economy is bad and we are facing cutbacks. We are eliminating your position."
And so on and so forth.
I was okay until I realized I had to have health insurance. Had to. No questions, absolutely had to. I started bawling. The nicest friend in HR had to go through the package with me, and I feel terrible for her, because this is like the last thing she wanted to do.
So I packed up my things, said goodbye to a lot of people I love and who love me and walked out the doors with my head held high.
Yes, I cried. A lot. I didn't do anything wrong, but damn it felt like it.
Then I made a plan. Working my network, asking for help. Telling my folks wasn't easy, but they are super supportive. Then James came over and I cried and wallowed, but not as much as he expected.
Wednesday I got up, put on tennis shoes, went to the gym and worked out. Then worked my facebook, LinkedIn, my connections. Got phone calls from around the globe-- Tokyo, China, Brazil, London, Mexico City, Buenos Aires, Colombia, Hong Kong. Send resumes out to friends and co-workers for help, advice, consultation. Finally sat down to dinner at 7:30 and on the couch at 8. Fell asleep there.
Woke up Thursday, worked some more connections. Went to a great friend's house and played with her and the baby. Got baby hugs and kisses. Went to Dr. appt #1, got everything I needed there. Bought some candy (mostly sugar free) at Dylan's candy bar, and took the train home.
I feel great. I am not falling apart. Tonight I will Wii. In terms of food, I am doing super great. Eating at meal times, bringing snacks with me. Taking care of myself. And I am down a couple pounds.
I am sad I will not get the chance to see my co-workers turned into friends again. I don't know when I will ever be in far off places again. I am so happy for the ride-- getting to be on the great wall, seeing tango in buenos airies, hitting the disco in Mexico city, eating crossaints in Paris, shopping at Marble arch in London, sipping martinis in Shanghai over the Bund, sailing in Victoria Harbour in Hong Kong, swimming in the Mediterranian Sea in Majorca, sipping wine on the farm in BA, touring the war shrine in Tokyo, throwing plates at the Greek Place in Miami, shooting pool in Chicago, sweating it out in Minnesota, and boot scooting in Nashville. But what a great fucking ride.
Ahh, and life begins again. Thanks for the ping anon. I needed that.
"As you know, the economy is bad and we are facing cutbacks. We are eliminating your position."
And so on and so forth.
I was okay until I realized I had to have health insurance. Had to. No questions, absolutely had to. I started bawling. The nicest friend in HR had to go through the package with me, and I feel terrible for her, because this is like the last thing she wanted to do.
So I packed up my things, said goodbye to a lot of people I love and who love me and walked out the doors with my head held high.
Yes, I cried. A lot. I didn't do anything wrong, but damn it felt like it.
Then I made a plan. Working my network, asking for help. Telling my folks wasn't easy, but they are super supportive. Then James came over and I cried and wallowed, but not as much as he expected.
Wednesday I got up, put on tennis shoes, went to the gym and worked out. Then worked my facebook, LinkedIn, my connections. Got phone calls from around the globe-- Tokyo, China, Brazil, London, Mexico City, Buenos Aires, Colombia, Hong Kong. Send resumes out to friends and co-workers for help, advice, consultation. Finally sat down to dinner at 7:30 and on the couch at 8. Fell asleep there.
Woke up Thursday, worked some more connections. Went to a great friend's house and played with her and the baby. Got baby hugs and kisses. Went to Dr. appt #1, got everything I needed there. Bought some candy (mostly sugar free) at Dylan's candy bar, and took the train home.
I feel great. I am not falling apart. Tonight I will Wii. In terms of food, I am doing super great. Eating at meal times, bringing snacks with me. Taking care of myself. And I am down a couple pounds.
I am sad I will not get the chance to see my co-workers turned into friends again. I don't know when I will ever be in far off places again. I am so happy for the ride-- getting to be on the great wall, seeing tango in buenos airies, hitting the disco in Mexico city, eating crossaints in Paris, shopping at Marble arch in London, sipping martinis in Shanghai over the Bund, sailing in Victoria Harbour in Hong Kong, swimming in the Mediterranian Sea in Majorca, sipping wine on the farm in BA, touring the war shrine in Tokyo, throwing plates at the Greek Place in Miami, shooting pool in Chicago, sweating it out in Minnesota, and boot scooting in Nashville. But what a great fucking ride.
Ahh, and life begins again. Thanks for the ping anon. I needed that.
Friday, January 30, 2009
I think I love you
I went to therapy last night. Just prior I thought it was a very good idea to get some protein in me, so I ate peanuts and m7m's. My own version of trail mix. After 2 handfuls and careful chewing, I got that pressure in my breastbone that is indicative of "I am going to have to puke".
Went to the not quite public bathroom and retched for 30 mins. Stuck my finger down my throat and had this foamy goop come up tasting of peanuts and sweet. As a WLS patient, you don't really throw up like before with amounts of puke-- you are like a cat that has a furball. And nothing feels better than when that crap that is causing the pressure is out.
So, this is time #2 of having regular sugar mixed with protein that had me get sick sick sick. Folks, the pouch is working. It is working. Sugar be gone. It feels terrible to know that I did this to myself, but awesome to say-- that's okay. It's working. Now stop testing the waters and eat in a way that will have you take care of yourself.
I've been writing down all that I have been eating for the week. And I am at about 2100 calories per day. And this was a good exercise to know a couple things. 1) I eat every 2 hours. Not that I am hungry, but that's what I do. Graze. A piece of cheese, a banana, multigrain chips, oatmeal, protein drink, sugar free chocolate bites, half a sandwich, pb and apple. 2) I don't drink enough water, and when I do, it's about 30 mins after the last graze. 3) I drink about 3 cups of coffee a day without even noticing it. 4) I cannot eat 2100 cals a day and think I am going to lose weight.
Project for the weekend and into the week: Eat 3 meals, 1-2 snacks. Keep writing it down. No bites, no tastes. In the "I'm hungry" phase between meals, drink water. Cut the coffee to 1 cup and after the morning cup, tea.
Sunday: Begin 2 week exercise program of 30 mins a day. 3 days Wii, 4 days gym. At the gym, do cardio AND weights. Start working on those muscles. Take one class. Just one.
And then let's write every day. Tell you, my friends how it is going. And then keep on me. If you haven't heard from me in a day, ping me "where are you?".
I know myself well enough to know I cannot be accountable to me. But to you, I bet I can.
Went to the not quite public bathroom and retched for 30 mins. Stuck my finger down my throat and had this foamy goop come up tasting of peanuts and sweet. As a WLS patient, you don't really throw up like before with amounts of puke-- you are like a cat that has a furball. And nothing feels better than when that crap that is causing the pressure is out.
So, this is time #2 of having regular sugar mixed with protein that had me get sick sick sick. Folks, the pouch is working. It is working. Sugar be gone. It feels terrible to know that I did this to myself, but awesome to say-- that's okay. It's working. Now stop testing the waters and eat in a way that will have you take care of yourself.
I've been writing down all that I have been eating for the week. And I am at about 2100 calories per day. And this was a good exercise to know a couple things. 1) I eat every 2 hours. Not that I am hungry, but that's what I do. Graze. A piece of cheese, a banana, multigrain chips, oatmeal, protein drink, sugar free chocolate bites, half a sandwich, pb and apple. 2) I don't drink enough water, and when I do, it's about 30 mins after the last graze. 3) I drink about 3 cups of coffee a day without even noticing it. 4) I cannot eat 2100 cals a day and think I am going to lose weight.
Project for the weekend and into the week: Eat 3 meals, 1-2 snacks. Keep writing it down. No bites, no tastes. In the "I'm hungry" phase between meals, drink water. Cut the coffee to 1 cup and after the morning cup, tea.
Sunday: Begin 2 week exercise program of 30 mins a day. 3 days Wii, 4 days gym. At the gym, do cardio AND weights. Start working on those muscles. Take one class. Just one.
And then let's write every day. Tell you, my friends how it is going. And then keep on me. If you haven't heard from me in a day, ping me "where are you?".
I know myself well enough to know I cannot be accountable to me. But to you, I bet I can.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
