A lot of Time on my hands

Since I have begun the great job search of 2009, I have a lot of time on my hands. This marks the second morning in a row where I have woken up on the couch with all the lights on. I know I am not taking care of myself-- late night eating, drinking wine, smoking, doing all the things I know better than to do.

I still don't feel depressed that I lost my job. A little sad, upset that I don't have a schedule to adhere to. What I think I hate the most is the vast ocean of time that I have to fill in. Everything feels like an emergency, if there is a job that looks interesting, I get sweaty and start thinking about going back to work in a made up environment with bitchy new boss, and that gets me down. I think the last few weeks of working at that place was a bit of a blow to my ego.

Prior to December, I had a great boss who was understanding, sometimes too much, and I worked hard. I did all my work, and did it well. When the new one came on board, not so much. My time was managed for me, I was no longer doing the same things I had been doing before. And to top it off, I was burned out. I traveled a ton, I worked my little heart out, I didn't take sick days when I was sick, I just worked from home, usually late into the night.

Awww. That's over now.

So I have a lot of time on my hands. And am filling the days.

Today I have chosen to de-tox from the carb monster. And to let go of this old stuff that surrounds me. I have a resume to get into tip-top shape, and after that have a gym appointment, and then have some massive house clearing to do. I want to attack the bathroom first, without going into to much of it, when I clear my bathroom of filth, my world seems better. I can handle things, i don't hold on too much.

I now have the time to track food on fitday. And finish some projects. My days need to be broken up so that I actually go outside for a good portion-- either running errands or just getting out of the house. The stale winter heated air is no good to be in for too long.

I'm doing fine, but on the verge of slipping into a funk. I am pre-empting that with activity. Deadlines. Re-done resume by 1, gym by 2, bathroom cleaned by 4. Music playing no TV. No couch sitting. And drinking my 70 oz of water a day.......

And how are you? I want to thank everyone who gives me support and loves me. Thank you. You make this part go so much easier because I feel like I have a support system.